What Got "Lost" In Cheney's Office ???

Dick Cheney Cleans House

Yes, I know I am supposed to be deep into a White Crane Kung Fu series, but this shit makes me crazy. I mean, really... count on your fingers the number of days before we get the sad news that certain documents were lost in Dick Cheney's latest barbecue:

White House confirms the following records destroyed in the 3rd floor fire: New UPDATES
by Reality Bites Back
Wed Dec 19, 2007 at 11:54:17 AM PST

This afternoon, the White House confirmed that a quickly contained blaze isolated to a storage room utility closet on the third floor of the Eisenhower Executive Office building destroyed the following records:

* Reality Bites Back's diary :: ::
*

all records pertaining to:

All Executive Branch internal correspondence since January, 2001
All RNC computer servers, back-up servers, and archival back-ups
The original Downing Street Memo and associated notes
Valerie Plame and the White House investigation of the leak (W.H. UPDATE: no records of Valerie Plame investigation destroyed as there was no investigation)
Bandar Bush
God’s personal correspondence with President Bush including those related to the invasion of Iraq
No-bid Halliburton contracts
War crimes committed by U.S. contractors in Iraq
Troop body armor tests and procurement orders
Jessica Lynch
The pulling down of the Saddam statue by non-Iraqis
All unaccounted for money in Iraq
The "troops" fault to not guard the weapons stockpile in Iraq
Abu Ghraib
Scuttling of the original Abramoff investigation, by the President
Federal court appointees and their qualifications and records
Extraordinary rendition
Negroponte’s activities in Iraq
Judith Miller’s embedded reporting and using her influence to override generals
Bombing Al-Jazeera television
"Mission Accomplished"
Bribing and threatening of journalists and planting of stories in the U.S and Iraq
Stopping the NY Times from revealing White House secret spying on Americans
Jeff Gannon/Guckert
De-baathification and the breakup of the Iraqi army
Swift Boat vets
Terror alerts
Bumper sticker and T-shirt slogan monitoring
Florida 2000 voter suppression
Florida 2000 election over-votes
Bush v. Gore court papers
Richard Clark’s warnings about abandoning anti-terror and a returning to the military-industrial profiteering of the cold war
Pre 9/11 domestic spying
The Vice Presidents Energy Task Force and all meetings dividing up Iraq’s oil fields pre 9/11
Bush’s vacation records
Enron and all related activities during California’s "energy crisis"
The accompanying Gray Davis recall and Ken Lay meetings
The Congressional records relating to passing legislation with last second changes, midnight votes, and the minority excluded from committee meetings.
The Missile defense shield
The U.S. national debt and holders of the debt
The Healthy Forest legislation and associated crop yields
The Clear Skies legislation and new acceptable levels of toxic emissions
Able Danger and the post-it notes hiding Mohammad Atta
The "Bin Laden determined to Strike in U.S." PDB
All copies of "My Pet Goat"
Extrication of Saudis after 9/11, especially Saudis named "Bin Laden"
The 9/11 commission
All confiscated video tapes from 9/11 showing impact with Pentagon
Bush and Cheney’s joint un-sworn "conversation" with the 9/11 commission
Library checkout and Amazon shopping records of every American
Bin Laden’s actual location after he "escaped" from Tora Bora
Yellowcake documents from Niger
Curveball
Colin Powell’s United Nations speech
Ahmad Chalabi
Attempts to dismantle PBS
Using FCC’s fines to quash dissent
The IRS collection of political affiliations
Using American troops as speech props for Presidential speeches
Diebold
Ohio voter suppression
Terri Schiavo and the emergency session of Congress
Questioning the full faith and credit of the United States to scare people into dismantling Social Security
Payola related to the Medicare bill
Targeting and surveillance of peace lovers as terrorists
Hurricane Katrina
Oil profits and tens of billions of dollars of general fund giveaways to oil companies
Multiple consecutive tours of combat for National Guardsmen
The $200 million bridges to nowhere
New Orleans levies
Harriet Miers nomination to the Supreme Court
Bill Frist and the FEC and insider trading
Alito and the Vanguard Fund
Bob Ney of Ohio and Coingate
Duke Cunningham of San Diego and related bribes and treason
The U.S. Attorney firings of the U.S. Attorney who prosecuted Duke Cunningham and who was pursuing the investigation to the White House.
Tom Delay’s redistricting in TX and using anti-terror assets to track down legislators
Tom Delay’s ethics violations
Jack Abramoff
NSA wiretapping without warrants
The failing grade from the 9/11 commission
Data mining and reading your mail
The 5 million missing emails

also destroyed were all records related to:

Bush’s cocaine use and failure to take the ANG drug test
Bush’s drunk driving
Bush’s Texas Air National Guard service
Bush’s Arbusto stock sale, Saudi bailout, and lack of SEC follow-up
Bush’s insider trading at Harken and Bush 41’s quashing of the investigation
Bush’s stealing of a public stadium from the taxpayers of Texas
Cheney's Wyoming residency papers
Police response to Cheney shooting a man in the face after drinking
Push-polling smear on John McCain during the 2000 Republican primary
All original video masters of Steven Colbert’s Press Corps dinner roast

Countless other records and computer systems were apparently stored in the 3 foot by 3 foot utility closet, the content of which shall be revealed as destroyed as necessary pending any future investigations.

BREAKING: word that the Constitution of the United States was inexplicably consumed by flames in its nuclear blast-proof storage case by a glowing ember that apparently drifted from the Eisenhower Executive Office Building and into a thermal exhaust port that lead directly to the Constitution. No plans to reconstruct the document are pending.

: : :

UPDATE:

Also confirmed destroyed:

All records of clients of the DC Madame
All IMs and emails between Republican congressmen and underage Congressional staffers
Secret Service records of all people having meetings with the President and Vice President since January 2001
All recorded promises, affirmations, and statements by Democratic Congressional leaders to hold the Administration accountable

: : :

UPDATE 2

Continuing reports of records stored in the third floor closet and subsequently destroyed also include all records pertaining to:

Pat Tillman
Free Speech zones
Iranian Nuclear Program National Intelligence Estimate
Guantanamo
FEMA staged news conferences
New Orleans reconstruction contracts
and
Administration banning of U.S. meat companies from inspecting all of their meat

: : :

UPDATE 3

Still more records reported completely destroyed include all items relating to:

Alberto Gonzales’ memory (and "meeting" with Ashcroft in hospital)
De-listed superfund toxic waste dump sites
The original Nixon Tapes
"Missing" Weapons of Mass Destruction from Iraq
Bernard Kerik’s Homeland Security application form
and tragically
Joe Lieberman’s Democratic Party membership card

: : :

UPDATE 4

Apparently the quantity of records destroyed was a result of a broken water pipe that has been scheduled for repair since 2001. As the sprinkler system was not functioning, the Blackwater employees hired to guard the records could only throw more records onto the flames in an attempt to contain them.

Additional records from a neighboring closet presently unaccounted for that are believed to have been destroyed in the fire now include items related to:

All subpoenas issued by the U.S. Congress to White House employees
Walter Reed facility maintenance
NASA’s evidence of global warming (redacted and sealed by the administration)
Looting of the Native American Trust Fund
Forensic reports from 2001 anthrax attacks against key Democrats and media
Dubai Ports deal
Under-funding of Russian loose nuclear materials security programs
Guidelines for putting American citizens on no-fly and terror watch lists
The Vice President’s red phone that directly connects the Vice-President’s office to the on-air Fox news desk (possibly salvageable)

More details of the devastating fire to come...