Got some Goth kid on your street that threatens to kidnap your cat?
How about a blood-sucking employer or attourney?
-Well friends, this is just what you need-- a 19th-Century Vampire killing kit.
Check it out: a nice little single-shot pistol, a silver-handled dagger, not one but three Bibles.
But wait; there's more!
It's got your Cross, a mallet with lots and lots of wooden stakes, and a whole pharmacy of poisens and potions!
From "Boing-Boing", Here's the seller's description:
"These are expensive kits, made for the wealthy; not some cheap and cheesy plastic novelty items. Such luxury concedes a seriousness -- a deadly seriousness. These items were made to address deep, dark, primal fears. And then, like our fears often are, they were not thrown away but stored in equally dark and out of the way places... Antique wooden killing kits in the attics of old houses, just waiting for the day when the creatures creep from the attics of our minds."
I'll bet Steve Perry wants one of these.
And judging from the kind of E-mail Bobbe Edmonds has been getting, he might need one!
6 comments:
Why would I want such a nasty thing? As it is, I have to wear Kevlar every morning when I climb into my coffin because of all the vampire-killing loons running around ...
NOTE TO DOJO RATS EVERYWHERE! THIS POST INCLUDES SPOILERS TO THE ORIGINAL BRAHAM STOKER NOVEL OF "DRACULA"! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW HOW DRACULA REALLY CAME TO MEET HIS END!
ON THE OTHER HAND, IF ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT DRACULA AND VAMPIRES COMES FROM HOLLYWOOD MOVIES, I'D RECOMMEND YOU READ THE BOOK. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A MOVIE THAT COMES CLOSE TO THAT ORIGINAL NOVEL.
That said, I have all the vampire-killing kit I need - a Bowie, a Kuhkri and assorted videos and DVD's from James Keating, Pete Kauz and others on how to use them.
In the original novel, those were the weapons which killed Dracula. Chances are, a normal bullet through the heart would have done it, too, according to the original novel.
The purpose of wooden stakes, according to vampire lore, was to fasten the vampire to the ground. It could also have been done with anything that would penetrate a body, like the Quincy Morris' Bowie knife in the original novel. Once stuck to the ground or in his coffin, he could be decapitated (like with a kuhkri knife, as done by Jonathan Harker) or set ablaze to make sure he stays dead.
The significance of silver was because silver had properties that could ward off a demonic attack. Dracula and his family were sorcerers and in league with many evil influences.
Lastly, sunlight won't kill a vampire. While in London, fattened up by the blood of his many victims, Dracula came out in daylight many times. It was only in Transylvania that he was light sensitive due to malnutrition from a lack of victims.
A great marketing ploy would be to aim this to the fathers of all the teenage girls who are in love with the vampires and werewolves of "Twilight"...
...oops - forgot the boyfriends of all those teenage girls...and the husbands of all those wives enchanted with those Twilight "undead" too...
...and the ones selling this could make a killing...pun intended...Oh, it's 6 am and the zingers just keep coming from Martial Arts Mom...did I forget to tell you I'm a morning person??? Okay, I promise I'll stop...
What? And Kill all the twilight romance?
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